It was a weird feeling being deemed unsuitable for the role and wandering where on earth I was going. Aspirations of making it in the military had been dashed, so it was back to square one in the planning process. The leadership, confidence, commitment, dedication, motivation were definetely there and naively, I thought "Hey, that's good enough." Walking out with nothing to show for all created a vortex where all the positivity went and only negative thoughts swirled around aimlessly. Looking back now, my main problem was I had failed to truly connect with the people who had the biggest influence on the outcome on a personal level.
Each of you will be able to recount a situation similar to this in your own life, where there's been a time where a big opportunity has come your way to land an awseome job, create secure business networks, or build a warm, lasting friendship with someone. For a while, everything is going well and things are naturally falling into place. All of a sudden, it starts turning pear shaped. The interviewer notices you stutter when answering questions, the customer feels pressured by you, or that friend feels like the relationship you've made is too superficial and begins feeling more alone in your presence than out of it. It's a thousands stabs in the heart when this happens and naturally you feel inclinated towards blaming yourself and that person solely for the relationship not working out. It's difficult terrain to navigate through when this happens but there is always a chance to make amends for previous mistakes. Learn from them and work towards building a better you because of it.
A huge learning curve in life is that sometimes, you have to hold your tongue and let others talk. Connect on a personal level. Anybody who can successfully do this with whoever they are dealing with has that x factor to them. Well liked people are often those who take an interest and are willing to listen to you and what you have to say. Successful chairmans, CEO's, Activist leaders and friends all have that x factor and are consistently able to go beneath the surface and hold a deep relationship with those below them. When somebody does that with you, it tells you many things about their character but above all you say "Wow, they really do care about me."
Once you've established trust within any sort of relationship, enable yourself to ask questions with substance. Show your friend(s) that you really do care about them and want to share a connection with them; the more you open up, the more likely it is they will do likewise. Connect deeply with them by showing they're the reason you want to be in the friendship. Perhaps my chances on the military selection would have improved if I'd known that; the panel would have noticed this and said "Hey this guy would fit in nicely. Look at the kind of questions he asked us." It's really magical how a super deep friendship allows you and your friend to intuitively know how you're feeling in a situation without hearing a thing. The dusty rubber stamp always decieves the critics but not our friends. If it's a job interview, smile and be positive. Ask the interviewer what he's enjoyed about working in this particular business, how he's made it to where he has now. You'll not only feel a lot more at ease, so too will the interviewer and your likelihood of getting that golden ticket increase. If it's international business, research the culture of the country and ask your business client about what he enjoys and doesn't enjoy about these things. Long term retention of future business with him improve that much more when you can naturally connect with him on a personable level.
You can't expect a blind man to describe a mountain in the distance and likewise you can't expect a meaningful relationship to be created when you ask yes/no and surface questions. Go deeper, create the trust and smile, knowing that you have the ability to make a face value relationship, a personal one.
